You may perform like a god in the bedroom for the most part, but every now and then, even the best can slip up, if preoccupied while having sex. From mundane and common errors to the more serious and intense ones, these sex mistakes are best avoided when you’re in the midst of a passionate session!
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Not communicating enough
Your partner isn’t clairvoyant, and it is unfair to expect her to know every little detail when it comes to pleasuring you in bed. While it is natural to expect your partner to know what it takes to push the right buttons, most men set themselves up for disappointment by not explicitly pointing out if something is bothering them, or expressing what is needed to turn them on. And the same is true for you partner. If she needs you to spend more time on foreplay, she should gently indicate it. If she’s uncomfortable, she should say it.
Being distracted by your phone
I can’t tell you how important this is! While the urge to keep checking smartphones and tablets all day long has driven all sense of what is polite out of most people’s minds, it is worse if you do it when you’re in bed with your partner. Making love is an intimate act, and when you extricate yourself from it to check what’s going on with other aspects of your life and the outside world, you’re taking away from the intimacy. If you have something pressing to tend to, make it a point to attend to it before or after sex. If there is an urgent need to communicate with anyone, don’t take or make any phone calls. Wait until you are done. It is hurtful to ignore someone who’s naked with you in bed, and giving you his 100 per cent, while you chatter away with someone else who’s invading the moment.
Saying the wrong things
Bringing up stuff that kills the romance during sex is an absolute no. You don’t need to talk about body parts that you feel are out of shape, or bring up your parents or dog or boss in the conversation, or generally keep jabbering about things that could be potential turn-offs. Leave these generic conversations for other neutral times, or postpone them at least until the post-sex cuddles. While in the act, keep the communication flirty, romantic, and even get bold enough to talk dirty. Most importantly, do not scream out another woman’s name while you are in the throes of passion!
Getting drunk before
There’s nothing wrong with having sex when you’re a little high. The alcohol in your blood stream can heighten feelings and emotions, and help you loosen up a bit in bed. But turning up completely drunk and out of your senses is unacceptable. Not only is it unattractive, it’s probably unsafe as well, since you’re not in control. Also, you don’t want to throw up, faint, start crying, or pass out when you’re in the middle of the act—all possibilities when you’re drunk.
Foregoing the foreplay
Seduction is what will keep a sexual relationship healthy and happy. Don’t forget the foreplay, and assume that ‘wham, bam, and thank you’ is enough for her. Foreplay is as important as sex, since it heightens the eventual orgasm. Prolonged sensory pleasure can intensify the entire experience for both of you. Try to involve all the senses in foreplay—use your best perfume, play with her racy lingerie, whisper sweet nothings, and so on. All this can stimulate arousal, as opposed to ‘quickie’ sex, which can get stale with the passage of time.
Getting emotional
This strictly depends on your relationship status! If you’re in a loving marriage with two kids, it’s probably okay to say, “I love you,” or bring up emotions that are buried inside. If you’re in a new relationship, which hasn’t yet intensified into a solid bond, it isn’t a good idea to offload on your partner—even otherwise—but especially not between the sheets! It takes away from the romance, and feelings that run deep so early can be perceived as intimidating. While there is no harm in being yourself, or being passionate and intense, it is never a good idea to let a new partner into your deepest insecurities, that too while having sex.
Hot kisses,
Gabrielle Moore
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